Thursday, 19 September 2019

The first few days of 2019 will see us revisit old friends in Pamplona, Estella, Logrono and more

Obviously Azofra is a great place to finish the camino phase one. So many incidents, Harry's head, even locked out our room and the sleeping on the floor this April.

The attached is from 2007 when Si and Al walked on 500m.wordpress.com.

Its random order starting with Day 9 - you'll note Si and I had different writing styles in the fat Boy Diaries....

Enjoy!

Day 9 – Navarette to Azofra

18 09 2007
Footnote from yesterday.
When I left you I was writing yesterdays piece.
After we left the Internet place we carried on drinking. Alan was so delighted with his new t-shirt that he made sure all in town new – a slightly smaller version of the ´Tango man´.
Met this guy Jim, another Irish person. We had dinner with him that evening and polished off another couple of bottle of wine  before crashing around 10.
When you are staying in the refuges / albergues they shut at 10pm. You aint back by then you get locked out.
Left Navarette at 7am. A little hungover but not bad. Still dark. Alan still wearing his bright orange t-shirt which is in this instance no such bad thing. Being so bright the cars can see him a mile off, even in the dark!
There are two routes to Najera the main town we go through today, a straight one and one that goes via Ventosa (3km detour). We must make sure we dont go anywhere near Ventosa!!.
Unfortunaltely the map we have is kinda out of date for this stage as a bloody great big motorway has been built in the last year obliterating the original trail.
Okay we´ll just follow the motorway we thought. This was fine until some kind hearted local explained that we were on the wrong road and should go left. Alas we did. This was the road to Ventosa. The one we had been trying to avoid!!. I was not amused. We also had the company of a wee middle aged Japanese lady who was also not to pleased.
Fortunately after a 500m trek up this road we found a path that led us back to the motorway and lo and behold the straight path we wanted.
Around 11am we got to Najera. Sad to say the first place we have come to where you wouldn´t want to stay. Al reckoned it was a bit like going through Tower Hamlets (London). Nuff said.
After a pit stop for food, we left. By 12 we reached Azofra.
I should mention that for the whole of todays route we were surrounded by Vineyards. Field after field of grapes. They taste fantastic! You´d never eat another bunch of grapes out of Morrisons again.
And what a refuge at Azofra. Newly built and all rooms have twin beds. No sharing with 90 other people. We did our usual routine – wash, then did our other usual routine – drink, eat.
5pm – After siesta. Getting used to sleeping in the afternoon. Bit like Friday afternoon at work!
As there are only 2 bars in town and there´s only 10m between them we went on a mini pub crawl. Well actually we didn´t get passed the first one. As this was the first hight of Champions League fitba´we stayed in the one with the bigger telly. tonight we´d get Real v Werder Bremen. As most of the locals were staunch Barcelona fans we were all German for the night. Nice to see these things dont change from country to country.
The only issue we had to deal with was that the games kick off here at 8.45pm and the bloody refuge closes at 10pm. We´d only get the first half. Hmmm……
There´s got to be a way……
At half time i went back to the refuge and pleaded in my best Spanish to let us watch the rest of the game in the pub. The lovely senora recognised my plight. He´s fat and red, let him watch it. She showed me how to open the gate from the outside so we could let ourselves back in. Result!
Well yes and no. Real won 2-1, the locals were miserable and crying in their Rioja. We however got back in the refuge.
Tomorrow is Barcelona. Hopefully we can repeat.
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Other stuff

17 09 2007
Hi Robin,
Will contnue to send pics when I can. although i do forget many thanks for keeping this thing together. It is much appreciated. I will send a postcard. I promise.
Sharon – Write. It was supposed to be every day…………
Sadie – U can write too!
Love Simon X
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Day 8 – Lograno to Navarrette

17 09 2007
Easy day. Maybe too easy.
Awoke late. 7.30am.
Breakfat 8.30am – Must tell Alan that a hearty breakfast does not mean eating so much you cant move!
We only have 11k to walk today. This should be a breeze.
What can i tell you about Spain. Beer is cheaper. Food is too die for. Restaurant service is brilliant. Cigs cost nothing. They love basketball! Alan is still large. I am still large. If you like churches there are thousands of them. You get cheap wine with lunch and its miles better than anything that the Abbotsford would ever contemplate serving( Remember this Neil)
Anyway today. As I said easy walk. Dead easy walk. Too easy. Left Lograno at 10am. Reached Navarette by 1pm. Found Refuge. Seems very good. Showered then went out for food. Alan is on a roll. Haven´t walked him far enough today so he has energy to burn…oh shit!!
Found excellent restaurant. 3 courses plus vino for fiver each! Had beers after. Went to find internet cafe. Had another beer on way. And another. And another. And three more. Its five and Internet place is finally open!
Unfortunately I have forgotten most of what I was gonna say……
Never mind. Please keep giving and happy birthday Ava!!!
am away to drink more…………………………
This is the way of the Camino.
Adois Amigos.
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Day 7 – Los Argos to Lograno

17 09 2007
Longest walk yet – 30k. Left in the dark at 6.30am. Cos we got a wee torch (no giggling) we followed a group of Spanish. After 2 k the trail bears right. They missed it! We with our night vision didn´t. To be friendly we screamed our only Spanish a them ´dos beers pour favor´. Despite wondering who was ordering drink at 7.00 they turned around and followed us. When they passed us ( Alan needed a pee) it was ´mucho gracias´all round. Now that alan has remember the phrase he uses at every opportunity….
I ain´t gonna dwell to much on today as it was a slog. Keeping Al going is hard work at times although the thought of a hotel room and a real bath in Lograno spurred him on.
The romans could teach the pilgrims who first walked this route a thing about straight lines!
We got within spitting distance of Lograno then spent 2 bloody hours walking away from it before finally turning in the right direction!
1.30pm. Reached the hotel! and yes it was I who guided us there. Great room. Big bath. TV, the works.
Showered, slept, went drinking at 5.
Personally I am now drinking more than I ever did in Edinburgh. Is this because I have the time?…….
The plan was to get a meal somewhere and then hit the sack. Because we knew we had an easy day tomorrow we sodded the plan and spent the next 5 hours on a drinking spree around Lograno. Sunday is a well busy night here! 19 pints later we stumbled into the hotel and managed to find our room. Sleep…
A good day. Lots of walking. Lots of drink. Just how life should be.
Adios Amigos.
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And on the 7th day – they rested!

17 09 2007
Aye – That’ll be Duck in Flight!
So today we got up at 5.45am and headed off in the dark for the first hour.
I tripped over a few pilgrims who had set off earlier – this was handy as I may have fallen down the pot holes they were covering. Not that handy, neither peregrinos were Si.
The thing about walking is you can regain your balance tripping over things like peregrinos as you use your stick and as long as you don’t stab another you’ll find it a helpful implement.
Pot holes off course are another thing all together – one minute your standing up – the next minute all your pride at having walked harm free for 2 minutes in the dark is wiped as your stick carves a ‘Z’ in the air, your elbow attacks the path and your ankle tries in vain to accomodate your new dance routine.
Think about it if you trip over a kerb your ok but when you miss a step down – ouch if you’re lucky there’s a ricochet through your hips and your standing – if not – I rest my case.
But back to my pal Michael Collins. The big fella, he decides, let’s push on while we’re healthy. That’s like Jackie spending the money while its in the bank. That’s like Jimmy getting a new car because the last car loan had just been squared! That’s like, so many things that I call irony.
Why have you blisters? Well I had none until some lardy I fell out with 7 days ago said let’s now run a marathon because there’s no chance we’ll succeed at that!
News Flash – Simon’s just realised we could’ve driven this in two hours. I don’t want to break his heart by saying we left the car at home. I can sense a moment brewing – “Al, we could get to Santiago faster if ….”
“If what Si, if we flew, we got the bus, if we hitched a ride, if we stole a bike, if we threw our back packs away, if we just ran naked through the streets and got lifted by the policia and explained our plight?”
“Yes, any of those!” He replied
“But our cultural homage to irony. Two fat boys who had never found hill walking anything other than a bad choice of pub.”
“Ok, we’ll walk then” Si replied “but don’t start whining at me when we start doing 50km days.”
And as those thoughts hung in the air, I resigned myself to phoning Jackie for some solace. I’m delighted Caitlin was in!
Just kidding of course, as Caitlin said tonight, she’s a fine little woman getting smaller all the time, ‘no I think that was Milligan, Al’.
Spike once said about his mother – she’s a fine little woman getting smaller all the time – as she dug the foundations for their Anderson shelter.
That’s right – yes –  Caitlin said that her mother was the best mother in the world and I was lucky to have had her as a bride. I said I had been, very lucky to have had her as a bride, but enough of the Les Dawson jokes – I must put a stone down tomorrow for him.
Stones – yes stones. There are cairns scattered along the route, and the deal is simple. You pick up a stone, take a moment and move on.
Today was funny. You place stones daily and think about the person or people, but you don’t want to mention them on a blog as – well – it feels not quite right. Today though I was thinking about a guy I knew called Paul Wynne, probably only 26 when he died 17 years ago. I’d known him through Wood Mac and spent time in London with him when he lived in Hitchin and golfed at Letchworth. I never got that game of golf with him. Just as well – he was good – and I was’nae.
He was a great person to have known and whilst I last kipped on his floor in 1989 – I can picture it like yesterday.
Talking of yesterday, we had the best meal yet. It was 10 euro and I’m sure this guy must have a michelin star. The food was unbelievable. We’ve had a few dodgy ‘peregrinos’ meals where you felt a big mac had produced the salad whilst bun and burger were sliced up and served as the main.
We had tuna salad starters – I hadn’t even finished – because of my new eating technique – when the mains arrived.
Si had steak with the piquillos or whatever they call the red peppers that are flattened and soaked in an olive oil type dressing. I had salmon and mayonnaise. It was fantastic as was pudding.
If you have a spare 10 euro left over from your summer hols – head to los Arcos for a meal – you won’t be disappointed!
We have now completed the first week.
The mileage is over 100
The weight loss is over 100 ounces
The steps taken have been 197263 so cangratulations to all of you who selected those numbers in the lottery!
The money raised for CHAS is nearly 1200
And we also have pledges from people for a wee bit more once we complete.
Thank you everybody and please forward the address for the blog to anyone and everyone.
I’ve got my way for tomorrow – it is a rest day and we only walk 12km – just far enough to sweat off breakfast at our hotel – our second hotel of the trip!
Back to the dorms tomorrow – washing socks in sinks and other ridiculously stupid pastimes.
“Si, who’s idea was this??!!!”
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Going Commando!

15 09 2007
Buenos Tardes mi amigos. We have made it to Los Arcos although as one wag suggested we were los winos – all because we were up at 5.50 to get out early for the Pilgrim chores of going via this monastery. Hey ho, off we went – evicted as we had been from the big brother house – so early – I thought I’ll just wear the cycling shorts today – its not as if anyone can see anything its pitch black out there.
The thing is the old ladies on this trip think that Fat Al and Si are the eye candy – I mean nonsense or what.
This all started when the Frenchman left a few days back. “M. Cheval” as Si thought he was called. I said “no he was either being accused of having hung a horse or something else by our tittering ladies”.
I blame the mixed showers. Anyway he’s the first of our mates to be evicted. He said he only had a week and would continue next year from where he left off.
His was a great help to us in Ronscevalles or more specifically at Burguette when he came in holding a sleeping bag asking if anyone had lost it – while we tucked into our hot chocolate.
Si and I had lost it – over a torch that morning – but hadn’t realised his bag had fallen by the wayside. Our Gallic hero however arrived with his horse and said there you go – or words like – “ye daft nimrod ye”
So he’s gone, finished, nada, and there we were heading up to our monastery in the dark. When we arrived we were obliged to take a glass of the wine, toast ‘happiness’, and wander on towards Santiago.
It was a good wine too!
The road was long and by the time the sun came up my cycling shorts had nothing to hide. We wandered up mont blanc – albeit it was more villamayor montjardin. They’d had a fiesta the night before and the debris was scattered about. Fireworks, bottles you name it, but our lass had opened up the bar specifically for us so at 9am we had our second drink of the day. Back to the hot chocolate I’m afraid.
We nearly took a wrong turning – well we did – but after 50m reckoned it was right – sure enough we were soon back amongst the grapes and looking at the trail as it rolled onwards to middle earth. We passed the plaque – more a stone carving with runes and elvish speak – where Tolkein first envisaged Bilbo walking out of the shire on his travels.
As you can see from Si picture of me I could pass for a hobbit quite successfully – although Si is more an elf these days.
So enough of that we arrived and that’s my story.
I washed myself in soap again and had some shampoo left over from the hotel so smell better than most of the skanky gets in our Albergue!
Tomorrow we take on the world – well it is Spain – it will be Sunday – and we’ll have to dodge the church traffic.
But no poliitics or religion. We got caught out in peunte la reina. A frenchman asked what we thought of Tony Blair as the french like his sense of humour and the fact he speaks french – I erupted
“Tony Blair, il est un Camembert, il penser, il est un grand fromage”
Apologies to Priorite a Gauche!
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Day 6 – Estella to Los Argos

15 09 2007
As you can see from the title we didn´t make the place after Los Argos. Sair feet, hot sun and Al needs his 14 hours a day sleep or else he gets cranky (see previous day).
The refuge in Los Argos is okay but I think Al was hoping for a washine Machine and even someone to do the washing for him. I did offer but I´d be a bit wary of using the wrong powder or something…….
Today like yesterday was relatively straight forward, although after a mile or so you do reach not only a water fountain, but also a wine fountain. Thats right folks! free vino!. As it was only 7.45am in the morning we erred on the side of caution and left after our second pint..
We walked uphill – easy incline for the next 8km to Villamayor and stopped there for chocolate and chorizo bocadillos (sarnies).
From there it was roughly 12km to Los Argos through more vine fields and olive groves.
We got into town around noon but kncked the idea of going any further on the head as it was scorching hot now.
Booked into to refuge, went through the now usual routine of showering, washing clothes and going for a beer. After walking Al another 100km around Estella yesterday we went to the nearest (only) place in town. Had drink. ate. came back. Al sleeping. Me doing this.
Assuming we keep to plan, we have got 28km to Lograno tomorrow and a night in a hotel.
Yes!!
Thats it 4 now.
Day 6 u 2 can look this good with a little exercise!
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Tonight’s meal – what a choice!

14 09 2007
I just had to let vegetarians know this as it is the oldest joke in the world but I’d never seen it on a menu.
Outside the door it states 3 choices for us peregrinos.
Carne – yo meat boys
Pescado – that’s me smelly as my fish
Vegetarian – thatks neither of us but I do like quiche or a spanish omelette.
So the carne choice turns out to be
Salad, pasta in homemade tomato sauce, chicken leg and baked potato
Fish is
Salad, pasta in homemade tomato sauce, oven baked sea fish and baked potato
And drum roll …. The vegetarian option is
Salad, pasta in homemade tomato sauce and baked potato!
In other words take chicken or fish and gie it to yer pal! Priceless – only in the region of Navarre where the bulls run free until the vet slips them a mickey.
There’s a thing – why do the bulls not get drug tested first they’d surely choose not to compete.
Enough of that. Thank you all very kindly again from Leeds to Glasgow via London, Exeter, Aberdeen and Edinburgh
Mucho Gracias
Al
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High 5 all round

14 09 2007
Whooopla baby – we’re here! We’ve also been on the beer in the afternoon sun!
We’re athletes, our bodies can cope!
You got it – 2 san miguels and I’m ready to hit “Bar STOP” or the irunita nite club – but the dorms shut at 9 so its adios amigos time for some shut eye.
Before we do we have some ground breaking news – as predicted before we left – if we’re doing well we’ll find a way to screw it up so we’re going to los arcos tomorrow and if the legs are quick enough and the feet fine we’ll motor over there by 11.30 and then carry on another 8km to torres del rio.
We’ll be leaving here early as its city walking for 20 mins so we can do that in the dark. Eyes bigger than our belly – you better believe it – and that means very big!
We’ve bought our fruit and now its off for the peregrinos cheap’n’cheerful scran. Another 8 euro another 3 courser but will there be vin, tinto – do we need it.
There’s a nice square here in estella and a lot of roman architecture. Man o man after killing jesus christ they didn’t have try to make amends.
I guess that’s how the catholic guilt thing started. Four brilliant churches and a few other monuments to the durability of sandstone and the stupidity of people thinking a wee gift’ll make it ok. If God’s anything like Jackie – it’ll take more thqan a wee trinket like a cathedral to make up for disappearing for 6 weeks.
Oops slipped off message there, I blame the drink which of course I’m not having nor enjoying even if I did have it which I haven’t really.
To be honest I was dragged away from my siesta to walk to pubs so that Si could say – “good there’s one there we can come back to”.
Only after passing 12 and bumping into both Eileen (who was jumping a bus to los arcos – she didn’t have 6 weeks like us)and the 3 Irish girls we’d met in Zubiri, who were heading home after one had sprung a blister (and were only here a week anyhow) – did he finally cop the idea that all this walking had already taken place and now we should be sitting resting in the shade with a lemonade.
Having walked me the equivalent of george street to the castle via lothian road just to say he liked the TSB best was vaguely inviting abuse – but I’ll save my invective for tomorrow when he’s 100m ahead going up villamayor.
Today’s word
Amigo – friend
Mi amigo – my friend
No mi amigo – Simon/al* delete as appropriate!
Cheers
Al
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A Trial Seperation

14 09 2007
It had been coming for a while now. Every morning I woke up and thought – what will we argue over today.
There were so many subjects to choose from – can you be a true Scotland supporter if you’re snoring when the goal goes in being just one. The answer of course is no, but we could debate it for 10km at least.
Our fellow pilgrims have thought we were joined at the hip which I thought was a bit rich – we’re fat – but he’s like 50m ahead of me – we’re not that fat. I walk slower because I’ve not started smoking again and still bear the scar tissue or stretch marks to show it.
With each day however it becomes clearer the big fella aint horsing it up the hills as fast as once he did, and I just need him to smoke mid-stage so I can pass him.
Let’s face it, its not a race to Santiago – that doesn’t start until we’re 50m away and I suggest he has a fag to give me a head start.
But enough of that what of today’s stage. We made good time out of the Albergue although the altitude loss was a mental issue.
Last night we walked through Puente la Reina to the Albergue at the end of town. What it doesn’t tell you is its 350m up a hill, outside of town, but by the time you’re there going back is no option.
Before I started slapping him senseless for such a long needless walk up boat brae – agaiin – I ran out of strength and merely mumbled.
Lucky for me as this was the best yet. I’d give it 4 stars as there was a swimming pool too, but we did that yesterday.
This morning – for the first time we showered – and what a difference it makes. People smiled back at us instead of the usual scowls.
The muscles being warmed up we left on schedule at 7.20 up and down like the proverbial lift in the Tour Eiffel until we reached Maneru where I dropped the shoulder dodged the big fella and made it to the Fountain.
It was a thirsty gig that 5km. We only climbed 200m but it seemed to be up 300m down 250m up 300m down 250m etc. Also the gravel, give us the tarmac any day.
After that we had a lovely stroll through the trails between vine groves to the village of Cirauqui. A cracking wee place, traditional hill top town. Winding streets not to dissimilar from our own as we head from the grassmarket or cowgate to the castle. The biggest difference being the smell.
The streets were being hosed and water rushed past our feet all the way up – I suggested to Si he could wait to fill his bottle – but his legendary patience won out. As I say the smell got stronger the closer we got to the top of the town. Yep, I think it was an outdoor toilet being hosed down after the carnival the day before. Very effective though all the rubbish just gathhered at the outskirts of the town!
As we tottered our way down to the bottom of the other side of town we were met by a strange sound indeed. “…and they sang Shang a Lang as they ran with the gang singing…..” All these school kids wearing kilts. What’s going on we thought, but more of that later.
The next few kms were beautiful – as we sauntered along skinny riverbank fields full of big healthy looking peppers – we knew they were destined for the Spanish markets – no chance Sainsburys or Tesco were laying their hands on them – no poly tunnels just 7 lines about 600m long.
We broke off from this to head under the motorway – their sign said 70 to logrono – ours 76 – crows fly, cars drive and Pilgrims piss a lot oops sorry Pilgrims meander – such is the way of the camino!
We followed the motorway for a bit then double backed on ourself to head on up about 200m to a town called Lorca. It was jumping. There were 6 pilgrims sitting in the shade of the church and getting cocky I tried to remember which were French for “bonjour”, which were Spanish for the “hola” and of course good morning for the Americans.
A bit further on in the town was the fountain. Gathered here were some Spanish Pilgrims – peregrinos – and a cycling one. The biking peregrinos are tricky wee shits. Everyone else behind you has a click click of the stick but these assasins steal up on you then ring their bell and make your muscles ache as you jump out the road too slowly.
I decided to fill my bottle and change my shirt which was soaking – fat boys sweat more. The fountain offered me the chance to rinse the smelly one and use Simon’s string to make a head band for the now clean and soaking shirt to hide my reddening neck and face.
As we wandered out of Lorca you reach the Albergue and the street hustlers – free internet 8 euro – double rooms single room – but we were on a mission and we still had 10 km to go.
Through the vineyards we went to villatuerta. We passed three germans just short of town – I’d already started summising that they were Amercians – – mean you don’t get to that size eating Apple Strudel do you. Well how wrong you are Al, how wrong you are. Fools rush in – and your hardly a site for sore eyes from the rear yourself!
You enter the town through the new estates that have been built and greet a few pilgrims in the plaza – whilst filling your bottle at the fountain you kick one of their dogs by mistake – well not really – we’re not that brave!
As you trawl on round there’s a lovely church with a St James statue outside. ” There are 15th century frescoes inside” I mentioned to Si. “Aye, and so has the next one, come on our lunch is getting warm!”
And on and on we went. Along trails again that have been battered hard and fast by centuries of peregrinos, that or the cement they make up at Zubiri.
We finally enter Estella – one close call as Si set of down stairs to nowhere. These waymarks can be very misleading but the rules are basically follow your nose and don’t leave the path your on unless its a big sign! The signs are arrows or red and white marks and if put at a jaunty angle – as one would wear a trilby – they can be open to misinterpretation. But we followed our nose and now we are here. 114 beds in dorms of 12. Mixed showers are a laugh though. To be honest you don’t care because your hot and sweaty and you just want a shower. Now I’m clean I can see the sense in making them all female for 15 mins then all male but such is the way of the camino!
But we followed our nose and now we are here. 114 beds in dorms of 12. Mixed showers are a laugh though. To be honest you don’t care because your hot and sweaty and you just want a shower.
Now I’m clean I can see the sense in making them all female for 15 mins then all male but such is the way of the camino!
Cheers
Al

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day 5 – Peurta la Reina to Estella

14 09 2007
Before I start, a few answers to questions.
the string is for tying Al up with when he gets out of hand and the pins to do a bit of torture with.
Jackie has explained what compeed is. All I know is that Al has got enough of it to start his own business!
We are now over an eighth of the way there. Approx 115km.
Photos – Er.. will try your suggestion Robin but dont hold your breathe……I will however contine to number days as its the only way i know to keep track of the time. As I have only shaved once since being here I have forgotten what day it actually is.
Last night was relatively incident free as we chose bunks far enough away from anyone else to avoid any night time rumblings.
Todays walk was pretty easy by previous days. Bit of a climb first thing. but after that no real terrors. There were lots of lovely blackberry bushes along the way which i kept picking from in order to maintain my 10000 calorie a day intake.
Because the weather gets really hot by 2pm we have now got into the routine of getting to where we need to be by then. Also the shops shut between 2-5 so if you aint got any food before then you´re buggered til 5.
Reached Estella by 1pm. 5 1/2 hours walking for the 23km. It may sound as though we are going slowly but this route does have the habit of making you go the long way to anywhere, or so it seems. The actual main road to Estella from Peurta is only 18km.
Got booked in to Refuge and now chillin´.
If any one is looking for tips or general advice on walking we are now experts as you can tell! ha!
Finally well done Dave (Chris) – Senor Intermediaries!
This is the way of the Camino.

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Just giving .. or Grovelling

14 09 2007
Robin, The Blog Master, is doing the Pedal for Scotland – or “Escape from Glasgow” 51 mile cycle from Glasgow to Edinburgh, on Sunday.  Ok not as hard as a 500 mile slog through the Pyrenees, but it’s all in one day.  So an invite to all to sponsor him too! www.justgiving.com/heyholetsgo

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Its not over till Fat Al Eats

14 09 2007
You heard it here first. Pamplona is a wonderful place to watch the tartan army coming round the hill. There are no words to describe the elation I felt when I woke Simon to tell him we’d scored, oh and the small matter of a quid or two on Scotland at half time – using the hotel’s internet cafe!
Did I tell you about the hotel. It got better all night until about 3am. We decided to reinact Blazing Saddles famous beanscene and we’re not talking about the coffee house.
I let off quietly – as I’m now disposed to do – what we would normally say didn’t register on either noise or smelly richter scales. Simon retorted immediately – as if a human condition brought on through sharing dorms had taught him he could only fart when farted at – with a noise and venom that shook the fifth floor and had the aalarms going in the hotel.
Needless to say the lifts don’t work or are busy as we were evacuated. Don’t know why I used the royal we there, anyway, Lord Simon was duly grassed to the hospitalero as the man whose actions speak, sound and smell louder than words.
All f which meant that at 7am breakfast was a remarkably solitary activity. Our table was in the middle of the foyer – we know not why – but it was handy for a quick exit – except the joker forgot his stick and had to run up 5 flights of stairs to get it.
I meanwhile, had to contend with a busload of Spanish tourist asking me about the camino – I think.
I replied ” mucho gracias, bueno camino, mi amigo est tardes – no it was tarmacadam – por favor, ole!” and they duly put 1 euro in my hat – which I duly left full of coins when si returned clutching his stick and out we stroded or is that strideded or just walked.
I wore my trainers for a change – stupid that as my bag weighed more. We had 4kg of water and boots on top of the piece of string, which he still hadn’t cut so he could take his share.
I asked him to buy a screwdriver so he could unscrew the scissors and then he could carry half the pair – or one scissor. I did realise after to balance up the screwdriver – we’d need another, o well.
Physically fit as you like. I now run down hills – no pressure on the knees at all. When I say run down – I jest – I don’t do run – I run on spot and gravity takes me downhill.
Peunte la Reina is braw. The auberge is superb – it has an outdoor 20m pool into which I had dived before touching the water. Aha ha ha – it was cold – I did 8 lengths in 2 mins I was out – phew!
Usual grub – 47 courses two shekkels. A strange one on the beer and the wine. You order beer it comes in a tin with a wee wine glass – you order wine it comes in an old fashioned pint mug – the type with the handle and the dimples that Tartan Special made famous.
Well Marienne fae strasborg was making it famous tonight. She rose – or was it – rosy’d to her feet very slowly at the end of the meal.
Having said that she had been sitting opposite the new fangled Al eats slowly and properly and took 42 minutes tonight to eat one scoop of ice cream!.

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day 4-Zubiri to Puerta la Reine

13 09 2007
before today exciting episode i need to clear up the Ádder thing.  i wasn´t and never have been bitten by a bloody adder! The woman in the Farmacia said it was probably a mozzy and that if i take these pills i´ll be okay. Only if your leg does swell to the size of a balloon should you seek medical attention. Now as my legs are normally the size of balloons I was obviously confused. Maybe it should be the size of really big balloons. Anyway it hasn´t stopped me walking, eating or drinking and my legs are no bigger than usual, so I conclude that all is well with my legs and i do not need to seek medical attention!
Due to the most excellent result last night (Scotland won) we got up late. As breakfast was a buffet you can imagine we ate and ate and ate. I allowed Alan to forgo the ´¨chewing what he has in his mouth before putting more in ¨´lesson because if he filled his cheeks full enough he´d probably have enough to chew on all day.
We left around 8am.
We returned around 8.05am. I forgot me stick.
We left again at 8.10am.
In order that he might feel lighter on his feet Al decide to opt for trainers and carry his boots. He was lighter on his feet, but heavier on his back…..
After an hours walking he decided he would rather be heavier on his feet…
This stop probably led to our first loss. Al´s shiny red hat. As we´d walked at least 50m from where it was probably dropped we decided not to return. Some lucky traveller would be the recipient.
As the sun was beating down kinda hard he fashioned a rather fetching headscarf out of his favorite red t-shirt. This still allowed me to pick him out from the other walkers when i reached the top of the next hill and looked back.
Okay, there are lots of stunning views and some beautiful old churches to see on todays trip but we kinda have to keep our mind on where are feet are going rather than whats around us.
By 2pm we reached Puerta after a final climb to the Refuge. As I entered lookin redder than the reddist thing ever the owner quickly sat me down and gave me water. Its okay I said in my best Spainish. I´m always this colour.
Showered, beered and now waiting for food. That is the way of the camino………..
Final thing – Photos. We got a lot but as yet can´t get access to download them.
When we do……………….

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Dancin’ Al’s Last Waltz

12 09 2007
I thought Olaf was king of Norway. Not so today, but more of that later – as we left the town – the tinto from last night added to the heat in the Albergue had left me feeling somewhat bedraggled. The eating lesson from Simon teaching me how to chew my food left my jaw pretty sore as all night I had been practising in my sleep.
Today’s way of the camino – which as ever – was all around us – was walking styles. Not the fast slow that I specialise in, but more the rhythm and the tools used.
For example the brits adopt an arm action – especially the male ones as anal as me that have studied the bio-mechanics and motion of Michael Johnson – there’s almost a piston action to it reminiscent of the time Stevenson walked the camino and came back to Scotland to invent the famous rocket.
There’s a marker on the wall at Trinidad de Arre where allegedly the light was switched on his proverbial head. I say that because we know Edison came after so obviously the light bulb couldn’t have been turned on as such – more set alight, which of course nobody would’ve done to Stevenson as he wasn’t a witch – or at least to my knowledge anyway. Funnily enough we were going up that hill with the same vigour as Des Barnes had just visited the begging for CHAS site, www.justgiving.com/deadbeat.
It wasn’t much of a hill really only about the same as Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh but when you’ve already done a few like it a few times that day the vim and vigour kinda passes you by.
So back to the walking styles – you get to study them all day as you tend to walk with the same mob day in day out.
You overtake them 5 minutes out of the refuge from the night before and smile and say “hola, beunos dias, beuno camino” as you demonstrate your vast mastery of the language and confidence at the day ahead, then they overtake you 2 hours later when your lying puggled in a heap at the side of the road with just enough breath to say “o……le” the last breath before the smile swallows some more dirt or the head drops into the water trough.
There’s loads of these troughs in this part of Spain. The water pours of the hills and we are told its ok to drink in a language we don’t understand so we drink it – any other answer when you are parched just doesn’t work for me, although today when Si saw some steps down to a stagnant part of the river and went to fill his bottle I suggested he was perhaps in one of his “not thinking” moments, that or I’m back to being alan sorry anal again.
Talking of which Simon gave me an eating lesson yesterday. I’ve decided I have no teeth and need to order smoothies for my main course. The fish soup at the Pilgrims 11 euro three course meal last night – check out Si’s blog – he’s bound to have said should’ve gone to the 10 euro plus wine option – where was I – yes fish soup was superb. A big terrine with enough for 4 bowls but I thought – “no – patience, leave room for the stew.”
As I munched my way through the stew, well I’m sure Si’ll cover it, but I ran out of room in my dinky little hamster pouches.
So I had to eat one piece at a time chew, swallow, then repeat. By midnight I’d finished the main course but its my mission over the next 5 weeks to learn how to eat.
He’s also teaching me how to walk. As we studied these walking styles, for example the two girls ahead didn’t use their arms. They carry their arms in front of them. We think their French, so we concluded French girls pray while they walk, probably that the smelly fat olafs don’t overtake them.
Their prayers were answered – we couldn’t catch them the closest we got was 5m which we maintained for 22km – no wonder I’m tired.
Tonight Scotland are in Paris and we’re in Pamploma – it doesn’t get better – unless of course we get a result!
We had a bit of shopping to do once we got here. I learnt the Spanish for safety pin – i-mmediately consigned it to the memory delete bank as I’m not likely to need it again am I.
I also bought Sueroral Hiposodico – its the Spanish diarolyte – basically I’m a fragile wee soul that sweats when I get out of bed in this heat so doing anything as energetic as putting my boots on has me losing those natural salts like a good’un. Si offers me cookies as they’re the answer to everything, oh and pringles.
That why he’s never joined a golf club, more a Pringle scoffer than wearer of the fine garb Nick Faldo used to promote.
But back to the shops – we bought compeed – you can’t have enough – even though we’ve not used any yet! Simon also bought scissors. ‘Great’ I thought ‘I can finally do something about your snoring’.
He bought string as well – I hope that’s him hoping I’ll be light enough by Santiago that it’ll hang me with.
Actually I’ve got to stop now I’m getting a blister on my pinkie – its this blackberry thing – in the heat y’know – its not a good idea!
Cheers
Al

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Day 3 Rubiri to Pamplona

12 09 2007
7.15am start. No hangover. I think alan n me took it turns to keep the rest of our dorm awake last night with loud snoring. I shoved him once to tell him to stop but when he said ‘ I’ll poke you with me walking stick next time’ I stopped.
Idea is to walk 5k to larasonna for breakfast. I had some nuts and biscuits in my rucksack and al had some fruit.
Got water from fountain before we left.
Although the terrain is pretty flat it is uneven so going is slowish. Legs a bit achy today. Took us hour and a half to reach larasonna and alas nae place to eat or more importantly go to the loo!
We carried on. Oh well nuts n biscuits n fruit will have to do.
Walked on and on through various other wee places and although we got more water and juice from a machine no where to stop.
We’d done half the trip and then hurrah a loo to use!
Unfortunately someone a lot heavier than us must have got their first as it had succumed to their weight and was lying in bits. Clench those cheeks boys!
Al ups the pace as we continue on. Gotta get a loo.
Uphill, downhill, sun abeating down on our intrepid fatboys, onwards we go. An old timer local with bed knees passes us. Servicios senor we cry! Dos kilometres he replies.
We get there. Trinidad de arre. Food and relief. Ah….
An hour later we reach pamplona. A six hour walk.
We decide to treat ourselves and book into a hotel. Hot shower and the scotland game is on our room tv! Magic
Aroung 5 we go sightseeing and stock up on string and safety pins (I,ll explain later) have a few beers, sit in the town square, which is full of families, kids etc enjoying the sun.
We however have more important things on our mind. Fitba!
Back to hotel, crack open a tinny and the match begins……
Adios amigos!

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Mon night and tuesday walks – a tail-or two on the trousers

11 09 2007
Monday night found us in the largest albergue we’re likely to sleep in.
Think of a giant five a side football hall then put 60 bunk beds in it, with 1 meter seperating “twin” bunk beds. If you got in first the row at the end of the hall was just bunk beds but then they became doubles – which would be good if it was empty, it wasn’t.
It reminded me of the way Iain did the floor plan for George Street – except there was more room between the desk there!
I was thinking the home office could learn a thing or two from the monks and the pilgrims. Or maybe that’s what the french modelled their wee village, sansgat, or whatever on.
Either way you turn up show your passport pay your 5 euro, get handed a pillow and follow your heart to the bunk of your choice.
If you were on your own you’d no idea who’s face you’d wake up to which is probably why there are so many swingers here. No problem for me I knew it’d be the Ribena boy wonder Si – which is Navarro for “face been in sun too long – hill was too high”.
So we threw our pillows down on the bunk unfurled our flags and went off on the pub crawl. We’d ordered the pilgrims meal – they charge you 8 euro for it and give you a ticket, which you put in your pocket somewhere – and then you turn up at the pre-appointed time of 7pm and your ushered through to the restaurant.
There on the tables are wine and water and a big terrine of soup. Fill yer boots we said and we still couldn’t finish it, then the trout with chips and a full head staring at you. Si was feeling brave so decreed “you can eat the head I think”. I tried to remind him that the one thing he proved conclusively on a daily basis was that thinking was for wimps and he was no wimp. Within 5 minutes he’d retreated behind that tried and tested mantra – “you know I don’t do thinking”.
The wine was that why be 11% and drinkable when we could make it 13% and leave you gasping for air.
With a yoghurt to finish with it seemed good fair for a fiver. I thought we could get this lot in to do the prison catering instead of Group 4 or Reliance.
As we tottered back to the ranch, we discovered the beauty of the camino and as I lay on my bed all my prayers were answered. Si said there was nobody above us so he would take the double upper. I suggested waiting until the prison lights went out at 10 but he felt confident.
I later gave the following statement to the local police.
“I was rudely awoken at 9.38pm by these two gentlemen who were shaking Simon. They said they had booked the beds and put there pillows on them in the time honoured way. Simon in his defence had mentioned that he’d seen the pillows but thought he’d just got lucky that he had 3 pillows he could dribble on. He duly to the driest one and returned to his previous bunk. It was then at 2.46am that he snorted, I need the torch, I need the toilet. I duly awoke and reminded him of the place where the torch was and he went to the toilet. I of course then needed to go as well but having been blessed by a father who grew many carrots, I had no need for a torch. The latter was just as well for he duly hid it in a different place. Luckily it was dark out in the morning so we discovered straightaway that he hadn’t put it back in the bag.”
We were find 10 euro for wasting pilgrim police time and told to get on with falling out.
Next up the tale of 2 trews. Tracky bottoms that never ripped and fancy dan detachables – that did. Guarding against impatience is one of the primary teachings in the way of the Pilgrim. We will never learn more easily that a stitch in time saves nine – or act in haste repent in leisure.
In short I had to take my boots of as the tracky bottoms would rip – I can now cut them so they fit over my boots. Simon of course not only has ripped the zip off his detachables but got bitten by an adder or a mossy or something.
Ribena leg man has a red rugby tattoo on his anterior calf and is now on drugs for his ailment!
Give me a week I’ll be sending for Jackie!
Al

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Roncevalles to Zubiri

11 09 2007
Got up even earlier today. Oot by 6.45. Nae breakfast at Roncevalles so we gotta walk 3k to Burgit for food.
We are supposed to leave the main road and walk down the marked path. Its dark and we´ve left the torch in the refuge.
First tiff- Where was it, where did you put it etc etc. Went back and found it exactly where i knew it was, which was exactly where it was supposed to be!!
Anyway we decided to walk the 3km down the road.
Got to Burgit at 7.20. Ate – omelette rolls n hot chocolate.
Al then disappeared for 15 mins. I think he went to the loo?..
The walk itself was a simpler version of yesterday.

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St Jean to Roncevalles

10 09 2007
up 6.30.
breakfast and oot by 7.
stopped at bakers for a lot of bread and crossaints!
first 8 km a real killer. IT IS all uphill. Alan sets a fast pace. Simon dawdles behind. After 8 km Simon still dawdling but ahead! Seriouly if it wasn´t cloudly and kinda chilly this would have killed us! anyway remarkably we are an hour plus ahead of our schedule. Maybe we could do this……
In fact after stopping for more food and hot chocolate we positively wiz up the hill. We reach summit aroung two hours later and stare through the clouds at the beautiful view.
Now downhill. well almost…….
Al´s knees playing up so i give him my walking stick. We make Roncevalles in a total of 7 hours!! 3 hours less than we thought.
Found nearest pub. not hard only 2 in town. Al eats and drinks. Si drinks and smokes. (smoking rule is none til days walking is finished). When walking Si eats!! We book the ´Pilgrims meal´ for 7pm. 8 euros each.
At 4pm we get ´passport´stamped and given room (along with 100 others!) in church refuge. To be fair it aint bad and we both get bottom bunks. Place has got internet access, but no photo download facilities,  showers and you each get a pillow!
Shower, sort out stuff then go to other bar. Meet Eileen, the Irish girl we shared a cab with from Biarritz and Dora, a german girl we passed on the climb today.
Have beers. Go to first bar for food at 7.
Soup, grilled fish (with head n tail) and chips and for pudding its natural yogurt. Oh they also give you a bottle of wine for the table (4 on each). How civilised.
After food Eileen, this other woman Linda and me go to the ´Pilgrims Mass´. Al declines on religious grounds – they might convert him again.
The abbey where mass is, is a beautiful building.
Just before the head abbot (or whatever his correct title is starts) Al appears! Catholic guilt or what!
As its all in Spanish it dont mean a lot to me but I was impressed whn one of the Abbots sidekicks gave the ´Pilgrim blessing´ in ten different languages representing all those people staying at the refuge that night.
Al and I went for more beer after in 2nd bar.
9.30pm, back to refuge and into bed. Lights out at 10pm.
Despite the snoring I got a pretty good nights kip.
Day 1 of walking done. Would i be able to get out of bed the next morning?……. you´ll have to read tomorrows exciting episode!
Adois

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Day 2 – the mountains

10 09 2007
Ouch they told us we´d never do it – they should´ve been right. We climbed 1100m – like the hair and the tortoise we dove tailed well although when Dancin Al´s legs were going the Eagle turned its attention away from the sheep.
In all seriousness we were lucky. It was overcast and we climbed from 7am – noon with a 5 minute break every hour – each time we stopped the mist lifted 100m and meant that we could see where we were going for the next hour but not more.. If we´d seen the whole gig all bets were off and the lardy asses would be coming home tamed by the 1410m col de lepoeder.
No messing these hills were hard – but just as the sun burst through we started our descent – by the way – dodgy knees in Dancin Al held us up – the downhills were always questionable and the sheer descent from the 1400m to 1000m over 4km is pretty 1 in 10, with 1 in 3 in places.
We were offered the sheer descent over 3.5km or the wimps one – lardy asses decided to bank what they had!
We got into the 120 bed dorm at 4.30pm – man o man is it stinking now and its only 9pm and we´re thinking lucky we´re knacked!
Nowt like the mountains the views – especially with the swirling mist and low cloud – superb!

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Day1 – Simon Says…

10 09 2007
Trip no probs except customs nicked my sunblocker and whined at me for not taking toothpaste out of bag! Got camino credentials very easily and found bed for night, sharing room with ten others. There are stacks of people doing this walk. Anyway had few beers, found some suncream, alan got a lovely red hat and ate a very good meal. Having last smoke of the day, then off to kip. The mountain we have to climb tomorrow is huge!!!! That’s all for today. Manana

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Yo Dudes We’re eating!

9 09 2007
After a long day walking up the road for tabs – all because the taxi dropped us in the wrong place – we’re now settled down and doing that food stuff.
Mmmh.
The way of the Camino is always around us.. This is largely because we’ll overtaken tomorrow after 2 miles but at least we’ll be up early – and force the other 2000 to take the long route!
There is a way – not so far a way – there is a way – so camino man say
The chorus is
You can blister in the morning
C and f and g even you can play it Jim.
Robin’ll upload it onto the web site with chords – well hopefully not until he’s go the carbona not glue version,
www.justgiving.com/deadbeat for our begging!
You can blister in evening
But baby when your leavin’
Don’t you start believing
You can blister on ma sister
Or your Dead meat son
Or as Si would say Duh duh duh done!

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Day 1 and the troubles begun

9 09 2007
We made it up the stairs before our first lapse of concentration.
I was first – I put the rucsac in the box for the scanner – it tilted sideways and the handy 72 different buckles caught in the xray machine and jammed the blighter. This then involved 9 security people advising how best to approach it. Where’s John Smeaton when you need him.
Si then decided to omit all the toiletries advice and offers of poly bags. Something must’ve registered as he took out his suntan cream – I guesd it was an offering – and placed it with his phone and assorted trinkets.
“Who does this sunscreen cream belong to?” Bellowed our man whose day was destined to be hell and was only 15 minutes old.
“Just bin it” cried Si as the offering was duly sacrificed.
“Hoi, are you the rucsac with the toiletries? Toothpaste shower gel shampoo mouthwash and assorted foot creams” sighed mister day from hell and its only 16 minutes old.
“Duh, yup” said Homer Si
“Sod it just go on”, whaurs smeato when you need him, he thought.  It’d be handy if he could fly in and banjo a few of these clowns that are spoiling my day.
“Look” says si pointing at a big sign, “we can buy liquids here to take on the plane”.
“Aye and bin them at Stansted!”
“Aye, a fair point. Go through three tubs of the stuff and we’ve no even left the great UK port”
===
Alors – nous sommes en France.
Biarritz ya dancer.
Please don’t snigger – these hills are looking bigger!
I’ve finished chapter 4 in my head of 1000 reasons why I love smoking.
You see, people grump more when they don’t have a fag to take away the strain – and today – on the plane – how topical – as we get ourselves into position for the starting gate and our a penny a step for the children’s charity – there’s parents abusing their children on the plane.
Give the kid a dummy – I’m watching my ears pop – I’m watching the water bottle contract – I’m thinking this is the pressure building in the kids head – SCREEEEEEAAAMMMMMMMMM! – that’s better a full 12 minutes until we bump land the bus.
Parents eh? Who’d be one. Well we have good news and bad news on the trek front. The Bayonne train leaves at 9pm and its currently 3pm
Do we
A. Get pissed and miss it
B. Bump into fellow pilgrims and get a taxi
Or
C. Walk it and see how long it takes to get lost in SW France!
Its France – we’ve got loads of time!
===
And now we’ve arrived at St Jean – we’ve just taken another look and already Simon is starting to agree with the Irish women Aileen who’s going to walk to hunto tonight so its 2 hours less tomorrow,
“Oh so why not when I said it last july!”
Let the battles continue – fair play though he climbed the hill and found the shop that gave us the guide and passport (credencial) and also sells b and b for 7 euro.
Now all we need is to find a shop selling suncream!
The problem is, we’re sitting in the shade, with our credencial which gives you discount at the restaurants on tour and already wondering if they hire golf buggies!
Good news is we’ve got a bed and the clothes are still clean!
Cheers from Simon and A

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